How to Job Hunt Kirstenite-Style (Naively) Chapter Two!

So I detailed in the first installment of how to naively job hunt what I learned applying to retail jobs and on job boards online. 1) Career Assessments suck and are, in the end, mostly time you’re required to waste. I suggest you listen to your favorite music while you do it, so that you can say, “At least I spent time listening to my favorite music”—much like time required commuting. 2) Resumes are like your breath: they must be clear and musn’t stink; they must be warm but not creepy; and they must somehow inoffensively state your presence. And 3) Leaving empty the box for your cover letter speaks volumes about what a lazy ignoramus you must be. Clearly you don’t value the job. Oh, you’re just not good at writing? Learn, because the word “optional” is a trap. 

It took me two months to learn all this. The first month, my resume was pitifully simple. The first six weeks, I didn’t write a single cover letter (seriously, how did I mentally skim over the call for a cover letter all those times, except that my ignorance makes me blind?). Those last two weeks, there weren’t many jobs to apply to. I’d already applied to what was available, and High Point is not exactly a job-infested place. And not having a car limited my range. So I sat and twiddled my thumbs and blinked like a baby while my husband cracked under a mountain of financial pressure. 

“You really need to get another job,” he said. 

“I’m trying my best,” I whined. “I can’t help it if no one is calling me back.”

“It’s not your best,” he shot back. “Have you looked on craigslist? Have you gone to Home Depot and Lowes and CVS and introduced yourself to the manager, just to make an impression? Have you looked for writing jobs? Have you taken the time to learn something that would make you more valuable, like accounts payable/receivable? There’s a lot more you can do. You’re gonna have to get creative if you’re gonna get something. You may have to swallow your pride and humble yourself to get something. And we NEED you to get something.” 

And I stood there, blinking some more. I did a lot of blinking. How am I so naïve that none of those things even occurred to me? Why had I *never* thought of craigslist, or writing? Introducing myself felt like a stroke of genius, because it put me in the mind of the person ultimately looking at the applications, even if I couldn’t actually ask about my application. And so there I was at Home Depot, awkwardly shaking the hand of the manager. It was definitely a swallow of my pride but if it would put me in an orange vest, it was worth it (guess who called a week ago?). 

And through Steve’s suggestion, I began delving into the world of freelance writing. It is yet again a fantastic example of how inexperienced and naïve I am, but it’s nothing a little time can’t fix. What can I write about? The two most popular areas in need of good writing: law and business? Nope. Health and beauty? I’m thirty and I’ve only just found the joys of zit cream and cuticle softener. But GUESS WHAT? It’s not stuff I can’t learn. Yes, it will take me four hours to write my first article, because I’m determined to find an area I’m interested in and read everything I can about it. But enough time and I’ll know what I need to know to write for $8 an hour, $10, $15—because my writing sample already yielded 4 stars. I can write, even if I have nothing relevant to say!

*So where did I end up? Stay tuned; I will share the Happily Ever After of this sad tale.